My two friends reviewed my Wonder blog post and evaluated my work based off of voice, language, structure, reader and revision..

Their thoughts are below

-Voice:

oThe tone of Marissa’s piece is extremely positive, she talks about how happy she is now and how the poem she is writing about has allowed her to feel this.  

-Language:

oThe language of Marissa’s piece is very sophisticated, not using too much wording she gets her point across to the reader.

-Structure:

oThe structure is good, first sharing what she thought about the poem and then sharing how she relates to the poem.

-Reader:

oAs a reader of Marissa’s poem was very easy to read and extremely understandable, especially being an abroad student as well.  

-Revision

oIn Marissa’s revision of this piece she should make it longer and show more depth about what the poem really means to her.

2)

o Voice

Marissa is hopeful and positive in the voice she uses. She knows that the happiest day of her life will be somewhere down the line however she is content with her life at the moment. She sounds happy and thankful for the opportunity to study abroad in Tel Aviv.

-Language:

oMarissa’s language is very concise. She isn’t wordy with her sentences and gets straight to the point. There are no run on sentences and I enjoy the way she writes.   

-Structure:

oThe structure of Marissa’s piece is very well organized and clear. I am able to understand and relate to the way she feels. She starts off with referencing Tuvia Ruebner’s short poem, “Wonder” and connects it back to how it relates to her.

-Reader:

oI believe Marissa does a very good job at attracting the reader and gaining their attention. Her tone and language are the two main reasons why I am able to relate to her piece and resonate with her feelings as well.

-Revision:

oOne way in which Marissa can revise her piece is by making it more descriptive. Why do you love the beach so much? What specifically do you enjoy? The reader should be able to gain a sense of the type of person you are and what makes you happy.

Workshop Review Questions

Reader: Ilona Ehrlich

Author: Marissa Fishkin 

Instructions to the reader: Respond to the questions below thoroughly, and to the best of your ability. Remember that feedback given to the author can provide them with important insight into their writing.

Instructions to the author: Read the feedback from the reader carefully, and incorporate the feedback to the extent that you feel is beneficial into a revision of the piece, or writing done in the future.

1. If you could replace one word in the piece, what would it be and why? Provide alternatives to this word.

I would replace the word “crazy” in the sentence “Prices were crazy and it’s important to be practical when traveling.” The word “crazy” should be replaced with “expensive” because crazy could imply that the prices could have been crazy cheap and that is not what the narrator is trying to say.

2. What is the most significant sentence in the writing and why?

“I learned the virtue of patience during this situation, and while this low point was frustrating and anxiety-inducing for me, I am happy that the least of my issues regarded my cell phone and not something of actual importance (like a passport!).”

3. How would you describe the narrator’s tone?

The narrator conveys a tone of frustration about the events that occurred, but conversely also a positive tone because of the attitude that follows.

4. What more are you are hoping to discover about the narrator or their experiences?

I would like to discover more about the narrator’s reasons as to why she would feel overwhelmed in a group of ten people.

5. What is one aspect of the piece you, as a reader, identify with personally?

One aspect of the piece that I identified with personally is “I was getting ready for the day, and all of a sudden, my cell phone turned off and would not turn back on. I was frustrated, because I thought my phone was broken, and I got anxious thinking about traveling without a way to communicate.” As the reader, I thought to myself that I had this same experience so I identified with the feeling of anxiety and frustration.

6. What is one aspect of the piece you do not identify with personally, but teaches you something?

One aspect of the piece that I did not identify with personally was the story about attending a ten-person reservation with only two people. The narrator says, “I was really frustrated with the situation, and it was really humiliating with the hostess yelled at me and my friend.” Though I have never been in this type of situation, this event teaches the importance of making the best out of an unfortunate situation.

7. What is your favorite image (description) in the writing and why?

My favorite description in the writing is the sentence, “Despite countless “turn off and turn ons” and Google searches, my friend Dylan suddenly figured out how to turn my phone on while we were in the airport departing for Nice.” My reason for choosing this image is because I could picture the exact description in this encounter in my head.

8. What specific part of the writing engages you most and why?

The specific part of the writing that engages me the most is the restaurant reservation event because this it reads well and as I was reading the passage it felt as though I was reading a story.

9. What about this piece has caused you to reflect on your own writing?

The structure of this piece is causing me to reflect on the organization of my own writing because of the multiple paragraphs in this piece.

10. Does the narrator go beyond external description, and reveal their subjective, interior reactions?

I feel like the narrator goes beyond external description and reveals their subjective interior reactions with personal emotions and life lessons. One example from the work says, “This situation taught me that although things may go unplanned, I have to accept unforeseen circumstances and be flexible.” The writer is able to reflect on what happened and learn from her experience and move forward.

11. Does the plot or narrative of the piece come across as complete? Why or why not?

Yes, this piece has several different stories and each piece has a beginning, middle and end.

While my Europe trip was one of the best and most memorable experiences of my life, it is inevitable that low-points will occur, as traveling can be tiring and overwhelming.

            The first low point of the trip was when my first flight to Lisbon got canceled. It was really difficult to get a flight out of Tel Aviv direct to Lisbon, or anywhere in Portugal. Prices were crazy and it’s important to be practical when traveling. My friends and I panicked, because we were not sure what flight we could get on to Lisbon, and our next flight was through a different airline out of Lisbon and into Vienna.

            Luckily, Tap Portugal, the airline that hosted the flight into Lisbon, accommodated our situation and for no extra cost, placed my friends and me on the next flight out to Lisbon. In this situation, I realized that everything works out and not to stress in situations where my control is limited. Everything ended up being fine J.

            Another low point of mine was in Lisbon. I made a reservation at the restaurant I aforementioned, Sea Me. Unfortunately, everybody was tired after a long day-trip to Sinta, and majority of the group did not want to go to a fancy sit-down dinner. However, I still wanted to go, and me and one of my other friends still went to the restaurant for dinner. The hostress was not happy with us, because they set up the table for ten and had reserved it for us for about an hour. They did not have a table for two, and we had to wait another thirty minutes. I was really frustrated with the situation, and it was really humiliating with the hostess yelled at me and my friend. Nonetheless, Sea Me still ended up being a great meal and we got to sit down in a timely manner., and not overwhelming to be in a group of 10 people at a fancy dinner. This situation taught me that although things may go unplanned, I have to accept unforeseen circumstances and be flexible.

            Lastly, I had a low point Sunday day in Split, Croatia. I was getting ready for the day, and all of a sudden, my cell phone turned off and would not turn back on. I was frustrated, because I thought my phone was broken, and I got anxious thinking about traveling without a way to communicate. Despite countless “turn off and turn ons” and Google searches, my friend Dylan suddenly figured out how to turn my phone on while we were in the airport departing for Nice. While this low point is about something as superficial as a cell phone, it made me realize the dependence I have on my electronics on a daily basis. However, most of my anxiety stemmed from traveling without a direct way to contact my parents. I learned the virtue of patience during this situation, and while this low point was frustrating and anxiety-inducing for me, I am happy that the least of my issues regarded my cell phone and not something of actual importance (like a passport!).

My high point of my Passover break was traveling in Europe with my friends. We went to five different cities over the span of 10 days: Lisbon, Vienna, Dubrovnik, Split and Nice. I am so appreciative and grateful for the fact that I could travel and experience all of these unique and beautiful cities.

            The first stop was Lisbon, Portugal. We were in Lisbon for three days, and the last day we took a day trip to Sintra, which was about a 30-minute drive away. I loved the Portuguese culture, and my favorite part was the fresh seafood. My highlight of Lisbon was going to this hole-in-the-wall restaurant called Sea Me. I had some of the freshest fish I have ever had in my life. My favorite dish was the sea bass sashimi over seaweed salad.

            Vienna is one of my favorite cities. We went to the Amusement Park, toured Schoenberg Palace and visited the Jewish Museum. I resonated with the Eastern Jewish Culture in Vienna, as my ancestors immigrated from Austria in the early 1900s. I also loved the traditional Viennese cuisine: we got the best veal schnitzel from Café Diglas, and Speunkle was a trendy restaurant with amazing food. I got the eggplant parmesean, and we split truffle mac and cheese.

            Next stop was Dubrovnik, Croatia. Croatia is one my favorite countries ever. Dubrovnik offers such unique culture and is one of the most beautiful, scenic countries I have ever been to. The Old City has stone walls surrounding it, and strolling through it made me feel like I was walking in a scene from a Medieval movie. My favorite part was dinner on Thursday night; we went to Panorama restaurant at sunset, which was prime time for a scenic view that overlooks the entire Old City. We took a cable car to go up, which was so fun and something I will remember forever.

            Friday afternoon we drove to Split, another city in Croatia. Split has West Coat vibes, while still upholding the traditional Croatian culture. My most memorable day of the trip was in Croatia. I went with three of my other friends, Morgan, Dylan and Dani. We signed up for a 10-hour boat tour around the Croatian islands. We went to the islands where Mamma Mia was filmed, Hvar and we went through the Blue Cave. We bonded with random people, who were also on our boat, and we had so much fun meeting new people from all over the world who were also touring Croatia.

            The last stop was Nice, France. We were only in Southern France for a day, but I loved the French culture in Nice and the beautiful and fun atmosphere of the area. We went to Monte Carlo at night, watched two live bands and went to an amazing Italian restaurant, Chez Papa.

            I am so grateful and appreciative to have had the experience to travel Europe and see new countries that I have never seen before. The countries I saw are beautiful, the food is amazing, and I loved being with all of my best friends. I hope to continue to travel the world and see new places.

–       Labensohn’s essay, “Leaving Babylon”, taught me a first-hand perspective into marriage and divorce in the Jewish religion. I grew up in a town where majority of my high-school friends had very traditional Jewish beliefs, often making comments about how they do not want to marry someone outside of the Jewish community, because in their house-hold, those marriages are stereotyped to end in divorce. After reading, “Leaving Babylon”, I understand why and how divorce is looked down upon in the Jewish religion: the woman, also the narrator of the work, goes through emotional turmoil during the divorce process with her husband.

–       Building off of this, I know understand why my peers were taught to believe this. In the work, the narrator says, “the parchment is like a hot potato. Nobody wants to hold it, because it is human evidence that God failed. And if His matchmaking is faulty, what about his His other interventins? (Labensohn, 12). I did not realize that marriage and divorce in the Jewish religion are rooted to G-d, believing that He creates marriages and divorce is evidence that He has failed. While my Jewish roots agree with this statement, that G-d has a plan for everybody and nobody wants to believe that G-d’s plan failed, I did not realize that this belief is the reason why many religious Jews look down upon divorce and it is oftentimes deemed as a disgrace.

–       Further, one major thing that I learned from Labnensohn’s essay is that in the Jewish religion, a woman cannot initiate the divorce process. When the rabbi asks the husband if he initiated the divorce, the narrator says, “the ambivalence in my heart would like him not to cooperate, at least for a minute. I would like to hear a refusal, because it would be an acknowledgement that he cares. But he acquiesces, albeit softly” (Labnesohn, 12). This is a sexist tradition, as nowadays both men and women should have equal power in a marriage. It is evident that the woman wants to divorce because she feels a disconnect from her husband, and before reading this essay, I did not understand the dynamics of a traditional Jewish marriage. Quite honestly, I disagree with the unequal gender dynamics that are expected within a Jewish marriage. The narrator’s writing conveys her inner feelings as a Jewish woman going through divorce, and this strong diction conveys the notion that this woman felt powerless and empty in her marriage.

Based on the two first pages of the essay, the narrator in “Leaving Babylon: A Walk Through Jewish Divorce Ceremony” conveys a negative attitude towards the divorce ceremony in Israel. The narrator is describing how women get the short end of the stick during a Jewish divorce, as divorce is looked down upon in the Jewish religion. Oftentimes, women are stereotyped and demeaned throughout this process, and the first two pages of this essay depict unmodern divorce traditions and stereotypes towards woman. Ultimately, the narrator has a negative feeling towards her situation, because the courtroom is living in the past and not modern times, where women should be respected and put on the same pedestal as men. For example, the narrator depicts Jerusalem’s Rabbinic Court as a place where “demons flitter and play along the narrow hallways” and “they are waiting to snatch a soul” (1). Through this description, the narrator is inferring that woman who get divorced ultimately suffer, and vividly describes this as being cursed by the demons. I believe that the narrator implies that woman who get divorced are stereotyped in an seemingly sexist society. Moreover, the narrator’s negative attitude is displayed when she says that “friends have told me that the get ceremony, to which I am walking, is demeaning, primitive and meaningless” (1). The narrator is implying that men dehumanize women during this process, because it is shameful for women to go through divorce.

In Tuvia Ruebner poem, “On Time”, the author negatively addresses time and the harsh realities that come with it. Specifically, in this excerpt, Ruebner conveys that time is working against us: “Are you asking me about time?/ It’s no friend of mine. Why talk/ about faceless time? Because it will never look you in the eye/ but suddenly strikes and claims/ there’s nothing like it to heal wounds?/ Because it whispers sweet consolations in your ear/ crushes your body in one blow/ and tosses it away at a forsaken angle?”.

Ruebner communicates that time is not his friend, and instead strikes at unexpected times where time is passing by and the past is slipping away. Time creeps up on everybody: nobody realizes as each day passes by, it is another day closer to the end of something, whether that be a vacation, a job, college, etc. Ruebner addresses the anxiety associated with time, because one cannot control time ticking and subsequent change in one’s life. Instead of speaking positively about time, Ruebner makes it clear that time is almost an enemy and can crush ones body.

Time plays a scary role in my own life. I am young, and a lot of my favorite experiences and moments are therefore temporary. I am turning 21 years old in July, and I am starting to grasp the concept that life goes by quick and time is of essence. In August, I will be returning to the University of Wisconsin-Madison for my senior year. Senior year! That is crazy to me — it feels like just yesterday I flew to Madison with my parents to embark on my freshman year. It feels like just yesterday I met all of my best friends for the first time. It feels like just yesterday I was living in my freshman year dorm and imagining that my senior year was light years away. Now, time has quickly passed and it seems that the unforeseeable future is now a reality. Time is scary, because as time moves on, we get older, and age is scary too. When I graduate college, I will be a young adult. It feels like just yesterday I was 12 years old and felt on top of the world.

Therefore, I agree with Reubner’s point that time works against us, and time is not our friend. Instead, time is scary and is associated with getting older, the present becoming a fond memory and the future being too close. I want to cherish these moments forever, and I don’t want to feel like time will suddenly strike and claim, although that is an inevitable feeling as nobody wants to feel like time is slipping away. Soon enough, my abroad experience will become a fond memory of mine that I will look back on for the rest of my life. However, I have been waiting my entire life to go abroad, and the fact that it just happened and will be over soon is a scary thought to digest. Likewise to Ruebner’s point, time will suddenly strike and claim, and is truly no friend of mine. Everything good in life eventually comes to an end, and Ruebner speaks the truth that most people choose to ignore.