Week 11 – The 5 Principles

My two friends reviewed my Wonder blog post and evaluated my work based off of voice, language, structure, reader and revision..

Their thoughts are below

-Voice:

oThe tone of Marissa’s piece is extremely positive, she talks about how happy she is now and how the poem she is writing about has allowed her to feel this.  

-Language:

oThe language of Marissa’s piece is very sophisticated, not using too much wording she gets her point across to the reader.

-Structure:

oThe structure is good, first sharing what she thought about the poem and then sharing how she relates to the poem.

-Reader:

oAs a reader of Marissa’s poem was very easy to read and extremely understandable, especially being an abroad student as well.  

-Revision

oIn Marissa’s revision of this piece she should make it longer and show more depth about what the poem really means to her.

2)

o Voice

Marissa is hopeful and positive in the voice she uses. She knows that the happiest day of her life will be somewhere down the line however she is content with her life at the moment. She sounds happy and thankful for the opportunity to study abroad in Tel Aviv.

-Language:

oMarissa’s language is very concise. She isn’t wordy with her sentences and gets straight to the point. There are no run on sentences and I enjoy the way she writes.   

-Structure:

oThe structure of Marissa’s piece is very well organized and clear. I am able to understand and relate to the way she feels. She starts off with referencing Tuvia Ruebner’s short poem, “Wonder” and connects it back to how it relates to her.

-Reader:

oI believe Marissa does a very good job at attracting the reader and gaining their attention. Her tone and language are the two main reasons why I am able to relate to her piece and resonate with her feelings as well.

-Revision:

oOne way in which Marissa can revise her piece is by making it more descriptive. Why do you love the beach so much? What specifically do you enjoy? The reader should be able to gain a sense of the type of person you are and what makes you happy.